Wow! No one told me that some days being a parent would be an emotional rollercoaster. Of course I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park but after today I realise that the whole adjusting to being a mum is an ever evolving thing!
My boys are now 5 and 2 and today I had one of those parenting days when you just feel overwhelmed and at the end of your tether. The toddler is properly having his terrible two tantrums over tiny things and my 5 year old is finishing his first year at primary school so is pretty tired in the afternoons which ends up in arguments and tears with both boys.
My lovely toddler is also a sweet loving boy who also can’t leave me EVER. So today when I was emotional I heard Mummy, Mummy, Mummy…constantly. It was overwhelming.
I was on my own for most of the day which meant that I had no help or relief all day. Most days that is totally fine but today was different. I really thought I was having an anxiety attack. Thinking about all the jobs and different things I had to accomplish and realising that by 2pm not much had been done.
When I have days like today I find I have renewed admiration for my mum. I always say to her…”now I get it!”
My boys are just being little boys and I do understadn this but sometimes navigating your parenting journey while walking on egg shells around two irritable humans is a scary, scary place!
Today my almost three year old, Sam, fell asleep on me. Something he hasn’t done in a long time. Those minutes snuggling him took me back to when he was so little; when he was a baby baby (not a toddler baby)….to those exhausting days of feed, cuddle, sleep; and repeat.
Sitting on the sofa, holding him, thoughts popped in my head. I heard myself saying…”but the washing needs folding”, “you still need to empty the dishwasher”, “five minutes and then I’ll put him in his bed”. Then I said to myself…NO! You HAVE to enjoy these impromptu moments. Cherish each and every one. The washing will wait but he is getting so big!
This time next year he will have been allocated his Primary school and starting school the following September!
Now I’m getting ready to fold the laundry, iron, pick up my eldest from school and then get him ready for swimming, homework and then dinner.
I love my hectic life and my two rambunctious boys but I do go from one thing to the next constantly! I think that’s why having those moments today with my youngest was so nice and a reminder to slow down and enjoy this time. It will be gone all too quickly. Motherhood – the mundane and amazing can happen in the same moment.
Hello there! I’m Steph and YES! I am a mother who talks about her children.
I totally get it! You (sometimes) don’t want to hear about my kids. I didn’t used to get all goo goo gaa gaa about babies – I used to have a busy social life, hair always nice…..I used to be able to wear high heels and not have snot on the majority of my tops! 🤷🏼♀️
But things happen….and my hubs and I decided to start a family! Shock…horror!
I vividly remember telling one of my best friends, shortly after we announced we were preggo, that if I EVER talked only about my baby and what my baby was doing…to kindly slap some sense into me!
We used to roll our eyes at the loud babies at the local coffee shop and I just couldn’t get over how many pics of the their baby some of my friends would post on Facebook. I just couldn’t understand how a woman with a life before her baby would cease to exist after giving birth and have nothing else to talk about.
I vowed this would not be me, so when I got pregnant I talked about my maternity leave as if I was on a year sabbatical from work. I talk about learning a new language while my baby napped (I seriously did! 🙈) and I talked about all the fun outings I would have with my little bundle of joy…all while keeping my social life and meeting friends out for lunch as the baby would just tag along, right?!….ahhhhhhb how naive was I!!
Once I had my little man I was besotted. I just kept looking at him and couldn’t believe that we made this tiny, perfect human! I didn’t go out much because my delivery was a bit more intense that I thought it would be so I had a while to recover and my little man had bad reflux so that meant lunches out were also put on hold for a while but BOY I was proud of what I did and what I made and what he was accomplishing on a daily basis and I wanted my friends to know about it. So I posted about it and talked about it and then… I got it! I got why parents became “boring”, why they talked about their little baby, why they wanted to share with friends and family about their little bundle of joy. Because they were PROUD! Because they were EXCITED! Because they just really wanted to connect with other people who just got it as well.
I got it in the end and even though I might not talk about my dudes ALL the time! I’m not going to stop talking about them because you might think I’m boring. They are my greatest accomplishment and, just as someone else might talk about that new job, that new holiday, a challenge they have just accomplished or anything they are really proud of. I’m DEFINITELY going to talk about mine!
I have had so many friends recently announce their 1st, 2nd or more pregnancies and I started to think back to when I was pregnant with both my boys and what items made my pregnancies easier (both of them had issues!).
No matter what season you are pregnant in, you need to feel good in your maternity clothes. I really struggled to find items that I loved. Either they were too frumpy or too tight around my belly – I never felt comfortable about wearing form fitting maternity clothes…hell! I don’t even wear form fitting non-maternity clothes! Like the bandage dresses, etc? They weren’t for me. Now, if you feel comfortable in those dresses, go for it! Just wasn’t for me.
Especially JEANS! Maternity jeans either fall below the belly or you can find ones that go over the belly (my preference) but before you get a big belly and you can’t fit into your normal jeans anymore, what do you do? You get one of these bad boys!
Seriously, my life saver during those early to mid pregnancy months when I was growing out of my every day clothes but the maternity stuff didn’t quite sit right.
This is the Love Your Bump Belly Belt! I wore it for each of my pregnancies and also postnatal when (again) you can’t fit into your regular clothes but you are sick of you maternity stuff! This comes with either button, or hook and eye and it comes in different sizes, so it grows as your belly grows. It also comes with a little piece of fabric that you attach to the belly belt expander to cover your open fly but most times I just wore a longer vest underneath my top which covered the area as well.
So what you do is you leave your jeans unbuttoned and attached the belt expander to the jean/trouser button on one end and then your button hole on the other end of your jeans/trousers attaches to the belly belt expander. Like I said it comes in different widths so you never feel like your jeans or trousers are going to fall off.
I came late to the Mum-Party. I didn’t get pregnant with my first son until I was 35 and he was born a week after I turned 36. During my pregnancy (which was NOT the easiest!) I felt intrepidation, like most mums-to-be, but I thought..”Hey! How hard can it be?!” Women have been “Becoming Mum” for YEARS! I got this! It’s a natural part of life!
WRONG! Oh…haha! How wrong I was! After a VERY LONG labour and delivery my little son was placed in my arms and I thought…now what?! Oh! I had to breastfeed! What the actual HECK?! The only breastfeeding I had ever tried was during NCT class with a crocheted breast and a baby doll…this squirming new born and my massive postnatal boob was not cooperating with each other! There were tears (mostly me) and then there was some latching and HOLY HELL no one said it would be that painful! But my little man seemed to be getting milk so we were all happy (I found out about 5 days later that he hadn’t been getting any and then I had my first bout of “MUM GUILT” – that’s definitely another post!)
In those early few weeks and months the confident 30-something year old women who had lived abroad and performed on stage and relied on her belief in herself was reduced to a timid, second-guessing, weeping shell. I realised very quickly that it was implied that I should know exactly what to do in every situation, which I really didn’t and no matter how many books I read on “Becoming Mum” could prepare me for the little life that relied solely on me! I had held babies before in the past but was always very tentative with them…never wanting to break them 🙂 Now I was doing everything for the little man and everyone seemed to think that I should know what to do. That it was intuitive. To a point it was, I guess. I mean my mum instinct to keep safe, feed and take care of him came into play but little things like..how to bathe him, how to deal with a poonami nappy, how to soothe him, how to make bottles etc…was all new and at every turn when I felt I didn’t know what to do and had to ask for help, I felt like a failure.
The months went by, my newborn became more robust and his little personality started to show. I started to heal (physically and mentally) after a very traumatic delivery (another post!) and my confidence started to return. Now I’m a mother to TWO little boys and to tell you the truth I am still figuring how to navigate this motherhood malarky but confident Steph is emerging again and making friends with Mum Steph…I think we will be a formidable team!
Have you experienced the loss of confidence? If so, what were some lessons you learned? Comment below and share!