Hello there! I’m Steph and YES! I am a mother who talks about her children.
I totally get it! You (sometimes) don’t want to hear about my kids. I didn’t used to get all goo goo gaa gaa about babies – I used to have a busy social life, hair always nice…..I used to be able to wear high heels and not have snot on the majority of my tops! 🤷🏼♀️
But things happen….and my hubs and I decided to start a family! Shock…horror!
I vividly remember telling one of my best friends, shortly after we announced we were preggo, that if I EVER talked only about my baby and what my baby was doing…to kindly slap some sense into me!
We used to roll our eyes at the loud babies at the local coffee shop and I just couldn’t get over how many pics of the their baby some of my friends would post on Facebook. I just couldn’t understand how a woman with a life before her baby would cease to exist after giving birth and have nothing else to talk about.
I vowed this would not be me, so when I got pregnant I talked about my maternity leave as if I was on a year sabbatical from work. I talk about learning a new language while my baby napped (I seriously did! 🙈) and I talked about all the fun outings I would have with my little bundle of joy…all while keeping my social life and meeting friends out for lunch as the baby would just tag along, right?!….ahhhhhhb how naive was I!!
Once I had my little man I was besotted. I just kept looking at him and couldn’t believe that we made this tiny, perfect human! I didn’t go out much because my delivery was a bit more intense that I thought it would be so I had a while to recover and my little man had bad reflux so that meant lunches out were also put on hold for a while but BOY I was proud of what I did and what I made and what he was accomplishing on a daily basis and I wanted my friends to know about it. So I posted about it and talked about it and then… I got it! I got why parents became “boring”, why they talked about their little baby, why they wanted to share with friends and family about their little bundle of joy. Because they were PROUD! Because they were EXCITED! Because they just really wanted to connect with other people who just got it as well.
I got it in the end and even though I might not talk about my dudes ALL the time! I’m not going to stop talking about them because you might think I’m boring. They are my greatest accomplishment and, just as someone else might talk about that new job, that new holiday, a challenge they have just accomplished or anything they are really proud of. I’m DEFINITELY going to talk about mine!
I came late to the Mum-Party. I didn’t get pregnant with my first son until I was 35 and he was born a week after I turned 36. During my pregnancy (which was NOT the easiest!) I felt intrepidation, like most mums-to-be, but I thought..”Hey! How hard can it be?!” Women have been “Becoming Mum” for YEARS! I got this! It’s a natural part of life!
WRONG! Oh…haha! How wrong I was! After a VERY LONG labour and delivery my little son was placed in my arms and I thought…now what?! Oh! I had to breastfeed! What the actual HECK?! The only breastfeeding I had ever tried was during NCT class with a crocheted breast and a baby doll…this squirming new born and my massive postnatal boob was not cooperating with each other! There were tears (mostly me) and then there was some latching and HOLY HELL no one said it would be that painful! But my little man seemed to be getting milk so we were all happy (I found out about 5 days later that he hadn’t been getting any and then I had my first bout of “MUM GUILT” – that’s definitely another post!)
In those early few weeks and months the confident 30-something year old women who had lived abroad and performed on stage and relied on her belief in herself was reduced to a timid, second-guessing, weeping shell. I realised very quickly that it was implied that I should know exactly what to do in every situation, which I really didn’t and no matter how many books I read on “Becoming Mum” could prepare me for the little life that relied solely on me! I had held babies before in the past but was always very tentative with them…never wanting to break them 🙂 Now I was doing everything for the little man and everyone seemed to think that I should know what to do. That it was intuitive. To a point it was, I guess. I mean my mum instinct to keep safe, feed and take care of him came into play but little things like..how to bathe him, how to deal with a poonami nappy, how to soothe him, how to make bottles etc…was all new and at every turn when I felt I didn’t know what to do and had to ask for help, I felt like a failure.
The months went by, my newborn became more robust and his little personality started to show. I started to heal (physically and mentally) after a very traumatic delivery (another post!) and my confidence started to return. Now I’m a mother to TWO little boys and to tell you the truth I am still figuring how to navigate this motherhood malarky but confident Steph is emerging again and making friends with Mum Steph…I think we will be a formidable team!
Have you experienced the loss of confidence? If so, what were some lessons you learned? Comment below and share!