Wow! No one told me that some days being a parent would be an emotional rollercoaster. Of course I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park but after today I realise that the whole adjusting to being a mum is an ever evolving thing!
My boys are now 5 and 2 and today I had one of those parenting days when you just feel overwhelmed and at the end of your tether. The toddler is properly having his terrible two tantrums over tiny things and my 5 year old is finishing his first year at primary school so is pretty tired in the afternoons which ends up in arguments and tears with both boys.
My lovely toddler is also a sweet loving boy who also can’t leave me EVER. So today when I was emotional I heard Mummy, Mummy, Mummy…constantly. It was overwhelming.
I was on my own for most of the day which meant that I had no help or relief all day. Most days that is totally fine but today was different. I really thought I was having an anxiety attack. Thinking about all the jobs and different things I had to accomplish and realising that by 2pm not much had been done.
When I have days like today I find I have renewed admiration for my mum. I always say to her…”now I get it!”
My boys are just being little boys and I do understadn this but sometimes navigating your parenting journey while walking on egg shells around two irritable humans is a scary, scary place!
I have always had that creative bone in my body. I have always wanted to express myself creatively be it through singing, dancing acting or making.
I have been lucky in my professional past that I was able to make a living doing what I loved. I booked acting roles, singing appearances and theatre teaching jobs which all required long hours but were rewarding. It was always lovely to take a step back and look at what I had accomplished. I put everything on pause when I moved countries, met my husband and had our first child.
Even before I had my son I had been creative but I found that when he was born all my energy had to go to him and also keep me functioning (especially in those early days).
We are so lucky in this country to have the option to take up to a year’s maternity leave. I wasn’t ready to leave my son after the year was up so I ended up becoming a stay at home mum. Then I had my second son and (only now) five years on, do I feel mentally ready to be able to focus on other passions I have besides raising my children (who are and always will be my number one passion in life).
Hopefully this time next year my little business will be in full swing, I will have auditioned and booked acting roles for the first time in TEN years and I will have a creative space and outlet. I have so many ideas that have been going around my heads for months now – I feel I just need to head space and time to put them all in to practice.
I sometimes wish I had my mum and sister around to help. I have close friends about who I consider family but they also have young children of their own and there is something less presumptuous about asking your mum to watch the kids for a couple hours while you work on your creations and go out auditioning than it is asking your friends to do the same. I know they would but I always feel it a big ask – especially when I know that we are all in the same boat. My husband works long hours and can travel for work so as a result I’m by myself most of the day. Carving out time to make my business work and come to life and ALSO get into the acting world again will take time and energy that I worry I don’t have at the moment. I know it will come and when it does I’ll be so excited to see it all come to life.
When I look back on my pregnancies and finding out about my babies I always think about our first scan. The first time we heard our babies’ heartbeats and saw them in their little sac. It is a surreal, scary and emotional time and it lasts just a handful of minutes.
From sitting in the waiting room anxiously waiting for my name to be called; to lying on the table with the loud, scratchy paper beneath me while the sonographer squeezes a cold, jelly like substance on my little bump.
It seems like hours but in reality it’s just a few minutes. And then there is the waiting. The silence where I held my husband’s hand too tight and closed my eyes until I heard that fast beat and cautiously opened my eyes and saw my baby for the first time.
I cried both times seeing and hearing my little baby boys and then I bombarded the sonographer with question after question.
That first scan makes the the hypothetical; real. Turns the fun conversations about starting a family to reality. But it also makes you exhale and hopefully start to enjoy your pregnancy journey.
I know that the 12 week scan can turn to heartache. I wish it didn’t for lots of families but I know the pain will come from not hearing the tiny beat and hearing some awful, heartbreaking words from the sonographer. My thoughts are with all those mums and dads
Since my boys are getting bigger I have been thinking back to items that I could NOT have done without when I was a new mum and the Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine is one I always recommend new mums to buy or have on their list. My husband and I call it the Baby Nespresso machine! It’s just so easy to use!
When I was pregnant with my first son I swore I would breastfeed him and had the pump and all that came with it. But all was not plain sailing- he didn’t latch well, I was a nervous mum and I felt pressured to be able to breastfeed..after all is was the most natural thing in the world, right?!
It must have been our 2nd night home with him and he was screaming, I was crying as my nipples were literally one big sore and I felt that I was failing. My husband mentioned that we had the perfect prep machine downstairs and why not just try it as our baby needed milk. I gave in and boy was it the right thing to do! He had a teeny few ounces and fell straight asleep. I cried happy tears and we all snuggled. It turned out that my breast milk never fully came in so my baby was hungry – I was so upset. The prefect prep machine saved my sanity. I still supplemented the formula with my minuscule breast milk that I managed to pump but nothing really came in and my son was happy with the formula.
The Perfect Prep Machine is so easy to follow. It literally takes two minutes to make a bottle that is drinking temperature the baby. Cleaning it is super simple as a button will appear when you need to change the filter or clean it out. You can also use it with different brands of bottles, if needed. Just so versatile! You can make a small 4oz bottles up to 11oz bottles.
You better believe when our second son was born I was straight on the Perfect Prep because I knew it worked. There was less stress and I still supplemented with my breast milk.
My know they say breast is best…but if your situation is similar to mine then feeding your baby is best and less stress is best!
I tell every friend of mine who is pregnant with their first or even second or third baby to buy a Perfect Prep Machine and every time they love it! I’m not saying to not breast feed but if you can’t, then this is the way to go; and if you can, then this is a great way to ween or even just have as a back up.
Today my almost three year old, Sam, fell asleep on me. Something he hasn’t done in a long time. Those minutes snuggling him took me back to when he was so little; when he was a baby baby (not a toddler baby)….to those exhausting days of feed, cuddle, sleep; and repeat.
Sitting on the sofa, holding him, thoughts popped in my head. I heard myself saying…”but the washing needs folding”, “you still need to empty the dishwasher”, “five minutes and then I’ll put him in his bed”. Then I said to myself…NO! You HAVE to enjoy these impromptu moments. Cherish each and every one. The washing will wait but he is getting so big!
This time next year he will have been allocated his Primary school and starting school the following September!
Now I’m getting ready to fold the laundry, iron, pick up my eldest from school and then get him ready for swimming, homework and then dinner.
I love my hectic life and my two rambunctious boys but I do go from one thing to the next constantly! I think that’s why having those moments today with my youngest was so nice and a reminder to slow down and enjoy this time. It will be gone all too quickly. Motherhood – the mundane and amazing can happen in the same moment.